But I am human and I struggle with real-life issues just like everyone else. And I think that if we are to build a community of support here, I gotta show you my process, too!

So -- here goes!

Like many American women who grew up in the culture that makes an idol of the pre-pubescent female form with the idea that the absence of curves is the epitome of beauty, I have struggled with my body image for YEARS. I was anorexic from the age of 12 until the disorder nearly took my life at age 18 -- when I finally got help. After that, I gained some weight as part of my struggle with infertility and can say that, frankly, I've HATED my own body for most of the past 20 years! I think you would agree with me that this is a sad tale . . . . but sadder still is that it is not uncommon for women!

I tell you this because I recently had a break through that reduced me to tears of joy! Here's what happened . . . . I had been telling myself that if I am to be a leader among women about Knowing and Loving Who We Are, I must also know and love myself. And the nagging reality was that every day I was still beating myself up because I had not achieved perfection as it has been defined for me by the crazy-making media! To top that off, there was a voice ringing in my head that women who do professional speaking cannot be overweight.

But here's the truth . . . . I've been working with a personal trainer and at the gym 5 days per week for the past 3 months. Yes, changes have been happening in my body. I've become stronger. I have more muscle tone. My endurance has improved as well as my ability to manage stress. But has my dress size changed? No!

At first, I was really, really disappointed. I thought it wasn't "worth it" to work that hard without being able to display washboard abs and brag about 17% body fat. In fact, I broke down in tears and told my trainer: "I don't want to do this any more."

But then, I had a discovery. Part of what I realized after my meltdown at the gym is that I had been giving and giving and giving and that I needed a break. So I went on a date with my husband, slept in, skipped the gym. It's amazing the insights you can gain when you get some extra sleep . . . .

My discovery was that I've been beating myself up for 20 years trying to change something that has been relatively stable in spite of my best efforts! Wait a minute! Could that possibly mean that I am at my "natural" body weight?

I started looking at myself. I dug to the bottom of my drawer to find the "good bra" that I stopped wearing but that does amazing things with my figure. I looked in the mirror.

You know what I saw? I saw some BEAUTIFUL CURVES!!!! Yes, I've been working out at the gym, so I've build some foundational muscle. But that muscle is covered by a layer of FAT that I WANT to keep because THAT is what makes me a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!

I stood there, looking at my discovery and crying. I promised myself never to beat myself up about my weight again. I love my curves and I'm not going to let anyone tell me what is right for me. Imagine, I've spent 20 years doing something I won't have to do anymore -- wasting time and energy beating myself up for who I am. What am I going to DO with all of that extra time? I'll tell you! I'm going to keep working to build the revolution that is women loving who they are!

Finally, let me tell you . . . every time I've read or heard something like I've just written to you in the past, I always think: "Yeah, but this woman must not be that heavy!" Right, but the point is that I've hated my body -- and coming to love my body has less to do with my measurements or my body weight or my bmi and more to do with my perceptions.

I haven't weighed myself in more than a month. I don't plan to. But I'm 6 feet tall and my measurements are 42", 39", 45" and 100% woman! I feel good. I am strong. I'll keep working at the gym because I love the benefits I'm getting and if I find I start losing my feminine curves I'll do something about it . . . . I'll EAT more!

I'd love to hear from you and what you have discovered that has helped you love your body! Either add your comments here or click on the link at the left and Share Your Story about how you Got Out of the Mud by choosing to love your body!

All my love to you!
Tamara